Bacon Saves Yosemite, Loses Moral Compass
-
Youngmoose
- Posts: 440
- Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 4:46 pm
- Location: Backwoods of Idaho.
LMFAOClay_Pigeon wrote:QUOTE (Clay_Pigeon @ Sep 18 2011, 03:58 PM) Relevant Reading
Jesus, that was good.
"Leave Bacon alone. When he's unsure of what sector he's in somehow it works out better." -Lee
-
Clay_Pigeon
- Posts: 3211
- Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2005 8:00 am
- Location: my pod
It's always good to keep with the classics. Unfortunately, the blogger is now working on a book, so new entries have been sparse.Broodwich wrote:QUOTE (Broodwich @ Sep 18 2011, 07:36 PM) definitely not the first time you posted it
still good
"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -2 Cor 12:9
"Never know how long I've waited, anticipated your smile pressed against mine." -Running
There was a raccoon in our yard, it appeared to be dead (poked it with a stick, etc). So, we got a black garbage bag out, and put the thing into it and tied it up. As I made to put it into the garbage can the thing started moving and making little coughing noises. Not wanting to mess around with it (rabies) and try to untie the bag, we decided to whack it with something and do it in. So, the wife selects a nice spade from the garage and gives it a couple whacks. No dice, still moving. I step up and give it full manly man power. I was swinging this shovel with a full arc and jumping off the ground for the Mortal Kombat "finishing move" style ending. The thing just kept on squirming. I must have whacked it about 10 times when suddenly the bag rips a bit and legs pop out.
The back legs.
Because I was hitting it in the ass the whole time.
"My Bad!" I say to the other side of the bag. And commence to whacking the correct end. Still no dice. Squirming away. So I go into the garage and get a 4 foot crow bar, but by the time I got back the thing had died. Or passed out. No Half-Life in Real Life for me! Packed it in a fresh bag, and into the bin!
Lessons:
Zombies - Could take a few lessons from raccoons.
Shovels - Not for killing anything.
Kindness - Hurts if applied to your ass.
The Great Outdoors - Can stay out there, for all I care!!
The back legs.
Because I was hitting it in the ass the whole time.
"My Bad!" I say to the other side of the bag. And commence to whacking the correct end. Still no dice. Squirming away. So I go into the garage and get a 4 foot crow bar, but by the time I got back the thing had died. Or passed out. No Half-Life in Real Life for me! Packed it in a fresh bag, and into the bin!
Lessons:
Zombies - Could take a few lessons from raccoons.
Shovels - Not for killing anything.
Kindness - Hurts if applied to your ass.
The Great Outdoors - Can stay out there, for all I care!!
WRONG!BackTrak wrote:QUOTE (BackTrak @ Sep 20 2011, 07:46 AM) Shovels - Not for killing anything.
Weapon of choice vs Venomous snakes as a Eastern Brown snake found out last week at the back of my pool.
Step 1: Using the flat of the shovel, hit the snake over the middle to break its back and slow it
Step 2: Guillotine the head
Step 3: Scoop up snake and catapult over back fence (oops, into large tree...oh well, easy feed for a Kookaburra)
I would not use it on a mammal. thats what tire Irons, Crowbars or hardwood posts are for.
Edit: Actually, during rabbit plagues, apparently a 5 foot long 1" PVC pipe filled with sand and duct taped at the ends is the way to go. Does not reverberate when hitting the ground like a bat, and flexes on impact.
Last edited by Vortrog on Mon Sep 19, 2011 11:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
WRONG! You should follow my simple 1 step plan for these situations:Vortrog wrote:QUOTE (Vortrog @ Sep 20 2011, 12:20 AM) WRONG!
Weapon of choice vs Venomous snakes as a Eastern Brown snake found out last week at the back of my pool.
Step 1: Using the flat of the shovel, hit the snake over the middle to break its back and slow it
Step 2: Guillotine the head
Step 3: Scoop up snake and catapult over back fence (oops, into large tree...oh well, easy feed for a Kookaburra)
I would not use it on a mammal. thats what tire Irons, Crowbars or hardwood posts are for.
Edit: Actually, during rabbit plagues, apparently a 5 foot long 1" PVC pipe filled with sand and duct taped at the ends is the way to go. Does not reverberate when hitting the ground like a bat, and flexes on impact.
Step 1: Don't live in a country that's chock full of $#@!ing poisonous snakes and spiders and crocs that want to eat you and fish that want you dead dead dead.
Spidey: Can't think of a reason I'd need to know anything
-
Axel Kolle
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Thu May 19, 2011 2:54 pm
QUOTE Step 1: Don't live in a country that's chock full of $#@!ing poisonous snakes and spiders and crocs that want to eat you and fish that want you dead dead dead.[/quote]
The bushman of the Kalahari have a philosophy: If it is a snake just stay away from the sharp end, grab it by the tail and whack it on the ground. All you need is speed, total confidence and hand-eye coordination that Penn and Teller would be proud of... They are also reputed to have the touching custom of apologising to an animal they killed and explain to the spirit that they need the food.
When the bushmen were still to be found in South Africa, the bantu told that lions did not attack the bushmen, but would make a meal of unhappy bantu strolling by. The bantu attributed this to powerful muti and held the bushmen much in awe for that. After much research and questioning of old people it seems the trick was this:
The Bushmen would observe the local lion pride and wait for the moment when the leader got ousted by a younger challenger. They would then sneak up on that hapless lion and attack it in a group, giving it the fright of his life, just as he was basking in the glory of his achievements. The lions of that pride would not attack bushmen thereafter.
Very interesting and astute psychology.
Would I try and do it: Not a chance bro.
But then I on the other hand I also heard of the Idiot who shot a strolling leopard with a mere .22, leading to the undoubtedly edifying experience of having to track down a wounded, cornered, angry leopard hiding in the bush for his pro hunter. Which just proves you gotta know what you are doing.
As a final remark: do not think that trophy hunting has any sporting elements. To preserve the trophy it is apparently shot in the gut. For the sake of a photograph.
In a totally different league to your situation, Bacon. You did well in a nasty situation
The bushman of the Kalahari have a philosophy: If it is a snake just stay away from the sharp end, grab it by the tail and whack it on the ground. All you need is speed, total confidence and hand-eye coordination that Penn and Teller would be proud of... They are also reputed to have the touching custom of apologising to an animal they killed and explain to the spirit that they need the food.
When the bushmen were still to be found in South Africa, the bantu told that lions did not attack the bushmen, but would make a meal of unhappy bantu strolling by. The bantu attributed this to powerful muti and held the bushmen much in awe for that. After much research and questioning of old people it seems the trick was this:
The Bushmen would observe the local lion pride and wait for the moment when the leader got ousted by a younger challenger. They would then sneak up on that hapless lion and attack it in a group, giving it the fright of his life, just as he was basking in the glory of his achievements. The lions of that pride would not attack bushmen thereafter.
Very interesting and astute psychology.
Would I try and do it: Not a chance bro.
But then I on the other hand I also heard of the Idiot who shot a strolling leopard with a mere .22, leading to the undoubtedly edifying experience of having to track down a wounded, cornered, angry leopard hiding in the bush for his pro hunter. Which just proves you gotta know what you are doing.
As a final remark: do not think that trophy hunting has any sporting elements. To preserve the trophy it is apparently shot in the gut. For the sake of a photograph.
In a totally different league to your situation, Bacon. You did well in a nasty situation
Don't call me a scout whore, I am a scout courtesan.