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Worst. AGW. Article. Ever.

Posted by notjarvis, Jan 31 2012, 04:50 PM in Randomness

Twitter debates can sometimes be a bit amusing.

Flagged onto someone on twitter by @Moronwatch I sort of half heartedly got into a debate with someone quoting this piece from "News Room America" as support for his argument that we are cooling, not warming.

I have no real idea what "News Room America" is, and I don't think I've come across it before, but the piece is so hilariously inept it cracked me up, and I felt moved to de-construct it line by line convincing I felt the need to spread it's revelations further afield..
So - on we go -

New data released by a noted climate research institute last week indicated that the earth has not warmed in more than a decade, findings that are sure to challenge the global warming mentality for years held by a number of scientists.

Rather a bold claim to start with, I'm intrigued - lets look deeper onto the next bit.
The data, released with little fanfare by the University of East Anglia Climatic Research Unit in London, shows that the earth has not warmed in at least 15 years. The university's conclusion was based on readings from more than 30,000 measuring stations.

Umm right. lets take a look at this paragraph. Can you spot any basic errors? I can't ;/
University of East Anglia Climatic Research Unit in London. East Anglia in London. East Anglia in London.
Nope can't spot anything there. No problem with that. No sirree

Onto the next, ohh the CRU has released new data? Sounds fascinating - lets find it!

Search anywhere for a new release. I can't find it. The most recently released information sheet is  from January last year, and that doesn't mention 30,000 stations or no increase for the past 15 years. I assume this means the reporter has super deep sources, and the "little fanfare" amounts to data hiding of some sort. The journalistic skill in this article makes me smile.

In fact, the university said, it was possible the earth was moving into a cooling cycle, suggesting "that we could even be heading for a mini ice age to rival the 70-year temperature drop that saw frost fairs held on the Thames in the 17th Century," London's Daily Mail newspaper reported.
Leading climate scientists told the paper that the sun, after emitting high energy levels throughout the 20th century, may be entering a period of "grand minimum" output, which could produce colder summers, extreme winters and shorter seasons for growing food.
Other climate scientists made similar predictions.
"World temperatures may end up a lot cooler than now for 50 years or more," Henrik Svensmark, director of the Center for Sun-Climate Research at Denmark’s National Space Institute, told the paper.
"It will take a long battle to convince some climate scientists that the sun is important. It may well be that the sun is going to demonstrate this on its own, without the need for their help," he said.
Some scientists said models set forth by in 2000 by the British government have not yet run their course and could still wind up producing warmer temperatures.
Professor Judith Curry of the Georgia Institute of Technology, a noted U.S. climatologist, said many scientists "are not surprised" by the warming pause.
She said it's becoming more evident that factors other than CO2 affect global warming and cooling, such as the 60-year water temperature cycles in the Pacific and Atlantic oceans, the Mail reported.

Ah, a lot of quote from that bastion of fairness and accuracy the "London Daily Mail". I can think of no better source to use for scientific literacy. Lets find an article with this quote to see who said it - maybe I can track down the hidden UEA info.

Here we go according to the Daily Mail it was research done by UEA and the Met. office. Lets see if the met office shows what UEA has cleverly hidden.

The closest recent Met. office press release mentioning Solar output or global warming is here. Interestingly (or perhaps dastardly) it hides the UEA link. It does however reveal the research was done with "Mike Lockwood, an expert in solar studies at the University of Reading", and you can look up his research on the matter here. which seems to produce the majority of the Met. office information, although as the Daily Mail would never get something wrong - the UEA must have played a key, but hidden role.

I would comment on the high journalistic standards of the Mail, and wax lyrical on the accuracy of the piece here, but, I feel it's unnecessary, as the Met. office itself commented on this specific article. Obviously and clearly the Met. office confirmed absolutely everything the mail says, as it's a bastion of truth.

Anyway back to Newsroom America, lets read some more of the article that doesn't come from referencing the Daily Mail.

© 2012 Newsroom America

Oh good they've copyrighted their completely and utterly original article about climate change. That's nice.

Swiss People Enjoy their Animals far too much?

Posted by notjarvis, Oct 14 2011, 07:14 AM in Randomness

275,000 Swiss people have sexual relationships with animals, a survey revealed

Up to 275,000 Swiss people — out of a population of 8million — have sex with animals, a survey claimed last year.

I read these stories today and was startled by this fact that was thrown out in the Daily Mail and The Sun.

Extraordinary stories which I thought may have received more coverage when the Survey happened.

So I did a little research and found this article in a Swiss paper - which appears to be the on the same story from a few days earlier.

Despite it being against the law, last June Tages Anzeiger reported that an estimated 275,000 people practised zoophilia in Switzerland. The Zurich paper said that 5 percent of Swiss males and 2 percent of Swiss women had sexual relationships with animals.

Theres a link to the relevant article for sourcing this claim - which is here.

Now I never did German at school - but the Google Translate version of the article seems to lay out pretty clearly the basis for this "Survey" number

When Albert Kinsey wrote in the fifties, his report, for which he examined 20,000 interviews with the sexual behavior of Americans, gave at 8 percent of men and 3.5 percent of the women, at least once to have had sexual contact with animals . Because at that time such acts were punished, it was assumed, reasonably certain that the information provided. Mid-seventies, the figures were then due to recent - albeit less - Investigations corrected downwards: It is now estimated that 5 percent of men and 2 percent of the female population at some time sexual intercourse with an animal, usually in the form of orally- genital contact or masturbation of the animal.

Extrapolated to Switzerland means: There are approximately 275,000 zoophiles. Where it is not at all a rural phenomenon - in the face of hundreds of thousands of pets in the cities, the availability is also ensured since. And zoophiles are by no means marginalized or retarded, but how to become white, formed on the large part.

So an authoritative "Survey" which the British press quotes as happening last year as a source, is nothing of the sort!

It's a vague extrapolation of a number based on Kinsey's old research, and stated for discussion in a conference speech. Nothing more, nothing less.

Gotta love the British press

Torchwood Miracle Day Review

Posted by notjarvis, Sep 30 2011, 04:54 PM in Randomness

I posted this on my other blog over here actually

Satire is dead.

Posted by notjarvis, Aug 5 2011, 03:30 AM in Randomness

Tom Lehrer, was famously quoted as saying that political satire died the day Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. I never thought satire could be dead, until recently.

I've been trying to think of something vaguely satirical to write on this blog recently, but I think I'm going to have to declare the end of satire as I know it.

Here comes a few examples, of things I tried to think of something funny to think of, but failed miserably as they are far too absurd to start with (apologies in advance as these are a bit UK centric).

  1. "Big Society" Tsar quits, as he doesn't have the free time.
    Explanation may be needed here for foreigners and other weirdos. "The Big Society" is the current government's key idea, basically for voluntary organisations and people in general to take more part in helping their local society etc. Which is fine as far as it goes, except most people see it as a thinly veiled way to stop providing local services in the hope people do it for free. And it's generally been an utter failure as people worry more about their jobs than about how they can give back more....
    In a society where people work more than ever before, this is found funny. The fact a person who was championing this idea, had to quit as he didn't have the free time is deeply hilarious.
  2. ATOS Get's contract to run IT for Paralympic games.
    The IT company ATOS has been in the news here (in the UK) recently as it has been the administrator of "Work Capability" assessments, which are an software based test for determining whether a person claiming Incapacity Benefit is capable of going back to work. (Incapacity benefit is a benefit that goes to people incapable of work, largely through disability, but also possible through severe injury, long term illness etc.)
    The test has been roundly criticised, by many in the press, users of the service, and MPS. Not least because 40% of it's
    decisions are overturned if people appeal.
    Indeed an MP said in Parliament ATOS assessments cause "Fear and Loathing" in claimants.

    The absurdity that they are put in charge of a key part of an event that is intended to portray disability in a positive light is quite staggering....
  3. Mcdonalds, Pepsico and Diageo take a key role in UK Health policy
    Yup, those bastions of healthy eating form part of the government advisory groups on obesity, and alcohol problems......
  4. Catholic Church Child protection officer is paedophile....
    I can imagine the conversation in head office before appointing him
    "After the damage that paedophilia scandal has done to the church's image, we'd better appoint a child protection officer to make sure it never happens again.
    Shouldn't we check that he's not a paedophile first?
    A paedophile in the Catholic church? How likely is that?"
  5. Tory Government Advisor declares (in the midst of recession) that most people have never had it so good.
    Now many people down the years have characterised members of the Tory party as a little out of touch with the common man, being a little posh, or rich. Often this is satirised.............but who needs to when peers like this prat talk utter rubbish.
  6. Sacked News of the Screws Executives get offered jobs in Siberia
    For your crimes against Journalism Carole Malone, You are being sent to Gulag smile.gif

10 Bad Sci Fi Shows......

Posted by notjarvis, Sep 20 2010, 05:07 AM in Randomness

The thread in off-topic about good sci-fil made me think about the opposite. What blunders have I seen put out on TV which really should have been left behind in the production meeting.

  1. Space Precinct - perhaps the ropiest TV show ever. Ropey models. Worse acting. Personal relationships taken from the Big Book of TV/Movie Cliches. I can find little to recommend.
  2. Lexx - Perhaps the most innuendo-tastic sexual referenced Sci-Fi (that isn't on the pron shelves). I mean the spaceship looks like a giant Phallus - you know you are off to an innuendo filled start. Most of the plots involved Lust in some form or another. Just felt weird....and was always late night viewing over here. Worth watching while drunk....
  3. Tekwar - another ropey production based on a bunch of hacky Sci-fi books supposedly written by William Shatner. I mean - who the $#@! has a Hero called Jake Cardigan. Cardigan??? You may as well have called him Jake Knitwear... The show itself is some rehashed sort of fluffy cyberpunk-esque near-ish future stuff. Nothing particularly inspiring.
  4. Robocop the TV series. Yup - it's Robocop for Kids. Seriously - they replaced all his guns with Net shooting weapons and stuff. Was practically unredeemable, except for the OCP adverts that popped up in each episode - they were sometimes funny.
  5. Then we've got Alien Nation. A morality play a week 80's TV series about aliens coming down and moving into earth culture. The key characters are two TV cops, who basically, through investigating alien/human crime explore various social ills etc. About as "Right-on" a sci fi series as was ever made IMO. With the possible exception of the next entry.
  6. V - the TV series - So many parallels to Naziism it's not funny. Should have really been called "Nazi Lizards from space". Anyone know if the new remake was any good? It's only a couple of quid in the local supermarket.....
  7. Not sure if this counts as Sci-Fi - But Dark Skies was a sort of Sub X-files storylined program which dragged every 1970s conspiracy theory into an unholy mess. Got boring quite quickly IMO. Reedemed slightly by the fact it Had Jeri Ryan in it..(7 of 9 from voyager)
  8. Highlander The series. Yup a series about that quintessentially 80's film Highlander. Plot (virtually every week). Duncan Mcleod (for he is the central character) has some angst with girlfriend/friend/fact he is immortal. Another immortal turns up who appears hard to defeat. Duncan chats to his confidant (They change through the series). Duncan kills immortal. One wonders why people continued to watch it. At least it wasn't as bad as the Highlander II film I suppose...
  9. ALF. Again - I'm not entirely sure if you will class this as Sci - fi, but since the central concept was about an alien living with your Average US family - it counts. It was just an awful run of the mill sitcom. Don't think i'm going to dignify it with more words..
  10. Babylon 5 Crusade. I wanted to like this - I really did. But it's overreliance on character development to the exclusion of meaningful plot developments made it pretty boring for. Throw in the poor TV movies he's done, and I I hope J Michael stays away from babylon5 for a while.

Just missing out - War of The Worlds The TV series

Sad as I am I will still watch these when they are repeated on TV. Mostly in the hope that they have improved with age - like a fine wine......

While researching this blog I found this excellent bit about the lifetime of Sci-fi shows and why they go bad. It fits X-files and Star Trek TNG to a T - I must say....

Old Internet Humour - Updated!

Posted by notjarvis, Aug 10 2010, 06:23 AM in Randomness

It has come to my attention that many old humour and stuff has been missed by much of the the nubile and young Alllegiance population. So in an small attempt to enlighten the young and callow in the internets things that made NotJarvis laugh back when he himself was Callow - he has decided to share....

Humour Vids.

  • - B3ta has been going for years. The newsletter is often worth looking through for funny stuff, and their image challenge entries are frequently ripped off for other stuff.


  • Australopithecus spiff-arino. Need any more be said...
  • The worlds worst hacker.....
  • P-P-P-Powerbook. Thanks Backtrak for linking this gem. I hadn't seen it before......
  • A cricket writer's travails.... This one needs some explanation. The guardian newspapers website does sort of live text commentary (an Over By Over) on cricket matches. They are often pretty funny as readers email in comment/suggestions etc. In this case the writer started off with a half page rant about how difficult his life was - then continued the OBO. A quite amusing read...


Silly Games

The Hidden Truth behind BP

Posted by notjarvis, Jul 20 2010, 07:20 AM in Randomness

After reading about how BP aided terrorism. And how its' recklessness spread evil tentacles around the coast. And how BP created the Iraq war...
And how BP led to the creation of the axis of evil.

I thought I'd do some of my own research into BP's evil, to see what other shenanigans they've been up to. So I spent recent weeks combing statements and interviewing literally dozens of people in an attempt to get to the bottom of just how evil BP is, and what other pies they have their mucky paws in. Many people were unwilling to talk to me at all. Others seemed visibly scared and denied everything. Eventually I found a few hardy souls, willing to be quoted on the record, as long as they remain anonymous, as they fear reprisals by BP hit squads (known as the slickest operators in the business).

My first brave source seems to imply the hand of BP behind local UK events

Well. I was waiting for the bus outside Durham prison a couple of weeks ago when I saw a slightly shifty man with curly hair hanging around the gates. It appeared a prisoner was released, and the waiting man hurried over to him. I heard a rather loud whispered conversation involving the words "policeman", "Girlfriend". Then the waiting man handed the Ex-prisoner a long package.

It was only when I saw the news later that I recognised the prisoner as Raoul Moat. And while watching another segment realised the waiting man was actually Tony Hayward - The BP chief executive. There is no doubt in my mind that BP viciously caused these shootings, probably to increase the amount of petrol used by the police during the massive manhunt.

It seems BP have been active internationally too, and have attempted to influence international air travel. I have no idea as to the reasons.....
A few months ago, I was on a long strictly business trip to Iceland, when I had a free weekend, and decided to go camping halfway up the side of a mountain. At the time I did not know it was a volcano.
We were woken in the middle of the night by the sound of a helicopter. My secretary poked her head out of the tent and said there was a helicopter flying over the top of the mountain, and dropping things into it. I took a look, and read the words "beyond petroleum" on the side.

Later when I got home, I saw the volcano Eyehavealolkill (sic.) erupted, causing travel chaos across northern Europe. I knew BP had caused it. For what nefarious purpose, I have no idea.

The last source I have is a professor who had just returned from an expedition to the holy land, and wanted to share his findings. I have cunningly changed the name of the university he works at in order to respect his anonymity......
Hello. I am the emeritus professor of antiquities and archaeology at the University of West Anglia. A recent find in the middle east has been brought to my attention. Digging in the old city in Jerusalem has uncovered new papyrus claiming to be the original book of genesis. In all aspects it is the same as the well known first book of the bible, however it has an addition of two versus in the story of eden, which I will relate to you.

[1]Now the serpent was more subtle than any other wild creature that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God say, `You shall not eat of any tree of the garden'?"

[2] And the woman said to the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden;
[3] but God said, `You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'"
[4] But the serpent said to the woman, "You will not die.
[5] For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
[6] Which the serpent followed with "And if you shall eat this fruit, you shall be rewarded with stock options, in the company of BP"
[7] "Furthermore, you shall have a place on the BP board in perpetuity, and the profits ye shall reap will be huge. yeah more massive than the greatest tree in this eden"

[8] So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, and yea she would make more money than one could shake a @#(!ty stick at, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, and he ate.

Authenticity of this document is still unclear, but it seems to imply the reach of BP's evil is greater than previously supposed.

Disclaimer. The article above is intended to be (vaguely) humorous and is entirely fictional. This does not detract from the fact the BP oil spill and explosion is an absolute tragedy, both environmental tragedy and a very human one. The aim of the humour in this post is the hysterical over-reaction to BP in particular since this incident. While I hold no candle at all for BP, I hate hysterical media overreaction.
Disclaimer 2: The other incidents described in this post are only referred to in passing, and in a satirical fashion. Please do not be offended by their inclusion.


Fraudulent emails are not even trying nowadays.

Posted by notjarvis, Jun 22 2010, 05:28 AM

Dear Sir

I am Mrs Joyce Elvans of Zimbabwe wife of late G Elvans a well known farmer and diamond merchant but my husband died of hearth attack after the seizure of
all his life times investment in Zimbabwe by the Government of Robert Mugabe and and this includes his farmes and money in his account. And my but lost
nearly all to the Government of Robert Mogarbe but I Thank God my husband was able to transfer the sum of USD55.5million through a deplomatic channel means
to one of the Finance Companies outside my country (Zimbabwe) before his death and the money is contained in two treasury boxes which we made the security to
understand that the money belong to my late husband's customer in your country who will later contact them for onward transfer of the money to him.

Further to this as a matter of importance, please my reason of contacting you, is that I am honestly in need of your assistance to help me and my children
transfer the money to your country by standing as my late husband's business partner to whom the money is to be transfered to. And please note that this for
onward investment in your country for my children upbringing as we are finding a way to leave this country to settle down there in your country and continue
our lives. You may wonder how I got your address, it was seen in one of my late husband's file and I am sure you may be one of our numerous customers and I
have every trust in you as one who knows my late husband and will not sit on the money when you receive it. Please note that we have no other place to run
to until the money gets to you.

Kindly do every thing possible to reply this mail so as to enable me give you the full contact details of the Finance Company where the money for your
immediate transfer to your country. And please keep this very confidential as it is only you and I that knows about this and I will like this to remain
confidential. And be informed also that I have resolved to compensate you with 30% of the total fund for your assistance.

In my next mail to you, I shall send you my photograph so that you will know whom you are dealing with.

Thanks and God Bless as I urgently await your reply through this email address: or or

Mrs Joyce Elvans

I am disgusted by the quality of this spam I received. I mean the email address is not even close to what the supposed lady said her name was.

The lack of effort is astounding, and anyone who sends bank details to "" really does need their head read. Frankly I've written a letter of complaint to the email address complaining about how astoundingly lazy it is.

It makes no Sense Dammit!

Posted by notjarvis, Dec 16 2009, 11:00 AM in Randomness

I was unfortunate enough to watch The little Polar Bear with my kids this morning. And while they enjoyed the cutesy animations, I found myself nitpicking to the Nth degree about how retarded the plot is, things such as Penguins? At the north pole?, or the fact that the eponymous polar bear at one point floats off on a Iceberg then a barrel and arrives on a tropical island - wait what????!!!

I've since spent the rest of my day musing over retarded childrens films, and how they clearly teach our kids about some insane world far divorced from our reality. So without further ado I unveil the

Notjarvis' list of Top Five films that contain insultingly stupid plots/devices.....

  1. Barnyard - the film. Where a Male Cow trys to get it on with a female cow and.....Wait What???!!!
  2. Bee movie - Where the Bees have been able to talk to humans all along, but we just haven't realised yet.....
  3. GI Joe - For older kids. At the end of the film the blow up the ice flow which then sinks and kills their base, cos like Ice sinks ya'know?
  4. Ice age 3 - Mammoths running around with dinosaurs. Nuff said.
  5. The little Polar Bear (discussed above).

Any suggestions for more?

God I'm anal about these things...... laugh.gif

Metaphors for the community.

Posted by notjarvis, Oct 28 2009, 04:45 AM in Randomness

In response to slap commenting to me that

So we are a society which does not allow for the open questioning of our leaders? Sounds great!

My response started a metaphor for the community thats been running around my head for a day or two, that I'm going to expand here....

This Forum/Community is not a society at all, it's a party where everyone's invited.
Furthermore - it is an open party at TEs house. This lead me to go in far more depth than was ever needed into the metaphor in my head
  • TE is the head and host of the party - he pays for the house, and helps arrange the entertainment, people and other stuff.
  • The Game Server providers are those who bring the music and the party food without which it wouldn't be a proper party - the more the merrier.
  • Event Zone leads help the party run smoothly. They arrange party games, make sure lots of people come at certain times etc.
  • BV and Enforcement are the party security, they keep out the vagrants and disruptive influences who would love to come in and turn over tables and destroy the decks.
  • The Code Devs are always tinkering with the sound system to improve it and make the experience that much sweeter.
  • The core developers are arranging the rooms, to make better dance floors and better use of the space.
  • The players are the guests - they come in to have their fun and either leave and go home.

The thing is, although TE lets anyone in, it is still technically a private party at his house. If he wants to throw anyone out he can.

The Freeallegiance forums are not a society as Slap described it. TEs actions are bound to an extent in that if he undertakes actions that go against the goodwill of the community and/or attempts to damage the community they can always leave and setup another house.

Slap stepped over the line a couple of times by loudly having a go at other guests, by attempting to bring barely legal herbal highs into the party (with his Avatar crusade), and by abusing the staff (by criticising BV directly). TE decided he and the other organizers were spending so much time answering slap that the party was suffering. Slaps argument that he could be ignored didn't hold water, as the organisers couldn't totally ignore direct criticism, as it may be believed by others, and lead to a more disruptive community. This is similar to the way that rumours of fire at the metaphorical party could cause chaos (in reference to his beloved harm principle).

It's an unusual step, which I actually support. Slap seemed determined to push the admins at times, without realising that in truth there is no such thing as freedom of speech here (although we have pretty relaxed admins on most things posted).

In conclusion. I wub.gif this community. Party on! mrgreen.gif

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