The Rage Factory

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Posted by Cookie Monster, Jan 28 2012, 03:38 AM

Or pre-school or the hell hole for drooling mouth breathing semi-conscious cranially retarded (quite scientifically) little @#(!s, whichever you prefer.

I have had / am currently having the unfortunate experience of living next to a nursery. I didn't realise this was the case until the apocalypse appeared to be happening the first Monday after I moved into my accommodation for the year. The glass on my windows is ridiculously thin to the point where almost every decibel is let it. It makes little to no difference whether my windows are open or shut.

Now, I thought my university days had trained me to Master the art of being able to sleep whenever I want. I mean I've been able to sleep whenever I want (takes me a while to settle down, but once I'm gone, I'm gone) and sleeping at all hours of the day is no problem due to the lack of a sleeping pattern and the constant sleep deprivation because damnit, playing Star Wars and Skyrim is a better use of my time than sleep. I thought I had finally mastered the art of sleeping like a log.


I woke up on the first Monday at my place at 8:30 to the sounds of Armageddon. Screaming. Crying. Wailing. Laughing. Wait what the hell, laughing?

Bleary eyed, I drag myself out of bed and scrabble around to get my glasses to see what the hell is going on, expecting at least a fire. But no, it's just your ordinary Monday morning for @#(!heads up to 5 years. These $#@!heads all need to be duct taped permanently until they can be trusted with keeping their faceholes shut. The second day I still got out of bed on instinct, yet this time when I drew back the curtains I was fervently hoping something had actually happened to those kids. I find myself hating their very existence and their continued interruption of my slumbers has pretty much ruined all interaction I have with young children as they just give me Vietnam-like flashbacks to early mornings.

The one saving grace that England provides me is the @#(! weather. Never in my life have I been so thankful to see rain. It keeps them inside.

Thankfully, I have slowly begun de-sensitising myself to their incessant noise, so that when I eventually manage to sleep through this on a regular basis I will truly be a master of sleep. As it is I have managed to sleep through my house alarm and light tremors in the past; this is my one remaining weakness and incidentally should also be one of my last steps towards the dark side.

I must now leave you to watch Star Wars Episode 6 and rub my hands with glee as Anakin goes into the Jedi Academy and slaughters all the padawans.



  Ryujin, Feb 1 2012, 01:07 PM


  Cookie Monster, Feb 2 2012, 09:23 AM


  Gandalf2, Aug 5 2012, 07:32 AM

I think you meant Episode 3.

  HSharp, Sep 12 2012, 01:45 PM


  Cookie Monster, Oct 3 2012, 05:59 AM


  Cookie Monster, Oct 3 2012, 05:59 AM

Joke's still on all of you for reading this utter drivel.

  Stormsurge, Jul 7 2014, 09:26 AM

I live next to one of these. Get a loud fan--white noise = sleep.

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