A son's loss

ryjamsan · Post by **ryjamsan** » Mon Oct 19, 2009 2:56 am

Vortrog wrote:QUOTE (Vortrog @ Oct 19 2009, 10:58 AM) I hope you have a significant other and family close to help you out for a while. Dont feel lesser for letting it out either, or it will just find some other time to come out. In fact, go ballistic for that same reason....as you will be irrational for some time, and it will the only way to help you be sane.

Celebrate his life.....must be done and done well becuase it will leave an impression...a good one.

And my personal suggestion...do not do a viewing.....you do not want a last memory of his face to be anything other than smiling, laughing or living.

My father died in a car accident when I was 4.....mother in a landslide when I was 27......I am happier for my choice above.

Man im sorry you lost your father so young. And wow what a way to lose your mom.

I have a wife(ryjamsan1

) and a daugther 19 and son 16. Plus my brother and sister and my nephews and of course my mom.

I was with my dad 8 hours before he past. But that will not be the memory of him I will keep. watching LonesomeDove will be."Uva Uvam Vivendo Varia Fit,"

I was called at 6am and told, I went up to my mom's before he was takin away and told him I loved him and goodbye. While that was tough to see him laying there, I had to do it.

The last conversation we had in which I knew his was aware of me and my brother was last Sat night for the LSU Fla game. We talked a little about the game but he didnt think LSU could pull out a win. As we watched the game with my brother he faded in and out.

We set up the wake program today. Who will speak and in what order and so on. thats when I truely fear I will lose it.

slap · Post by **slap** » Mon Oct 19, 2009 3:01 am

I'm glad your remembering your father well Ryj. While I can only imagine what that must be like, it seems well that you are treasuring your memories of him, and in a sense allowing him to live on by taking his hard earned wisdom with you.

Psychosis · Post by **Psychosis** » Mon Oct 19, 2009 3:38 am

goodnight sweet prince

Vortrog · Post by **Vortrog** » Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:03 am

Doesnt matter when you lose em...its hard...the more they meant to you, the harder it is.
The one thing I always struggled with was how a person can fight, survive, have ambitions, victories, glories and sorrows...and the all of a sudden, all those things are lost except in the memories of those that go on. I guess in that is the realisation that you can live on FOR THEM, and that is a very empowering thought indeed.
This was a song that hit the radio on the way to my mothers funeral. Its appropriate, but you may not think so on initially listening with the grief still fresh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zfqusp7s5o0

sunrodent · Post by **sunrodent** » Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:47 am

i have died four times now, and been brought back.

my own death has never really affected me.

i lost my Mother to M.S., after 20 years of horrible pain.

i lost my father to a sudden massive heart attack at age 51, totally surprised, we thought he was perfectly healthy.

god i'm glad they were my parents, i am greatfull for all they gave me every day of their lives.

they are alive in me, and now i see them alive in my daughter whom they never knew.

we are so lucky.

my cousin Mark, born with cancer, looked like an alien at age five due to chemo therapy, para palegic the rest of his life, lived to 27.

i loved him.

when he died, at his funeral he, had a letter written to all the people in attendance.

he said, probably the only one here smiling is probably stu. (that's me)

you all should be, because right now im running and jumping across a field towards Aunty Harriett (Mom hadn't been able to walk for years), and grandma and grandpa, and they are all running towards me, and none of us have any pain.

He had a picture of himself with the biggest happiest smile on his face put on the alter. (i knew it was taken after he got laid for the first time in his life, he never thought any girl would sleep with a pary.)

He smiled at us all through the service, it may have been the weirdest funeral i ever went to.

i still can't talk, type, or think about him without smiling, im so glad i knew him.

i'm so glad you and your father loved each other, no one can ever take that away from you.

No one can say anything to you right now, but right now everything needs to be said.

listen for him in your dreams, he will come to you, and in your life, he will still be keeping an eye on you, you are his son.

i don't know you man, but many of us know your pain, it is the one thing we all share.

sunrodent

notjarvis · Post by **notjarvis** » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:55 am

Condolences Ryj.

ryjamsan wrote:QUOTE (ryjamsan @ Oct 19 2009, 03:56 AM) We set up the wake program today. Who will speak and in what order and so on. thats when I truely fear I will lose it.

Sometimes losing it can release your feelings. Everyone will understand your greif.

I hope you find the strength to move on when the grieving period is over.

Solamnus · Post by **Solamnus** » Mon Oct 19, 2009 1:35 pm

My condolances to you and your family.

stressed · Post by **stressed** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 1:54 am

My condolances to you and your family.
My old man past away in 2008. at his 56th.
I hope there is better place than this world we the living know
for people which are worth crying for.
RIP RYJ's dad.

Post by **FreeBeer** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 3:50 am

My sincerest condolences to you and your family. It sounds like you will remember him and honor him well.

ryjamsan · Post by **ryjamsan** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 4:33 am

guys it was really amazing. Nothing like I thought it would be. I pictured crying and weaping and sadness. I thought my mother would lose it causing my sister and brother to lose it and then I would lose it and just balling. but it wasnt like that at all.

from 5 to 6 pm we had just the imediate family. Me my wife my 2 kids, my brother and his wife and his 2 son's, my sister and my mom went in and said our good-byes and hugged each other. that was the toughest to get though. But then at 6 other friends and relatives came in a few at a time with us sitting at the front. As people came by the gave there best wishes to my mom and the rest of us and went kind of to the back. We looked at pictures displayed around and all the flowers.

then we all started to mengle and talk. such a variaty of topics. To see people I have not seen in 15 years was awesome. Although you dont realize how many people you dad knows that you dont is amazing. It was kind of fun to figure out who is who. to know you know someone but cant remmeber their name and then feeling like an idoit cause you forgot your second cousins name, took so much pressure of me and it seemed we was celebrating a great mans life instead of mourning his loss.

Im not saying I enjoyed the night but I must say it was a relief to what I had invisioned.

It was upbeat and I really hope the funeral services go as well as tonight did.

We start at 8:30 tuesday morning. After the services we will go to the cemetery and lay my father to rest. Then go to my moms after and have some food and rememberances. Prob even play some basketball on a concrete slab my father poured 35 years ago with a goal and everything. We will sit around a nice campfire and talk about him and remmeber all that he was and all that he made us.

Ill let you guys know how it goes

And again thanks for all your support