xexy™ vs Element

Kumquat · Post by **Kumquat** » Thu Nov 20, 2014 4:38 pm

Hey Spidey, I think I still have that chat log posted somewhere from our time out in 0.0 trying to bargain our way out of the gate blockade. Lemme see if I can find it.

Look Sent, I am not saying you are a horrible person. I am saying you have no clue what I have done for this community and the new players. I could keep writing about my list of accomplishments in this game but I'm not here to blow up my ego. At this point, in my semi-retired state in the allegiance community, I just want to fly high level matches with my friends against my high level friends and enjoy some good games. My days of leading nubbins around by the nose and getting super aggro and frustrated by stupid mistakes are over. The point of all this is I fly with my friends and I fly with the people that I can enjoy the game with. I also really enjoy winning and I fly with like minded people. There is no need to get your knickers in a twist little Sent.

Kumquat · Post by **Kumquat** » Thu Nov 20, 2014 4:59 pm

First, this alliance thing is kinda suckin. I am seriously considering heading back to Empire and going total cut throat in there. Maybe find myself a nice pirate corp in there.

Anywayz, I was out in Lonetrek stalking some complexes in my int and my partner Lord Spidey in a Harpy when we ran across an Armageddon out in Taisy that belonged to FE who is marked as enemy to my alliance. I was just passing by when it locked me and I decided I would try and get him to shoot me so we could blow him up while the sentries pounded him. We followed him to another gate annoying him and then flew through the gate to $#@! with him some more.

First thing I see on my screen are 4 little red symbols. I look at the system. Ooops, that was a gate to 0.0. Sooooo, no sentries to help. Then the BS jumps through making it 5 lil red symbols. On top of all this I had my T2 burner loaded and not my MWD cause I was... ummm... working out in deadspace.

So I did what any red blooded pirate scum would do in this situation. I ran, created a safespot, then tried to talk my way out of it. I had a nice conversation with a guy in FE named Digital Fox. We exchanged wide ranging views. We shared many a moment. He still wouldnt let me through. I tried bribing him. I gave him a full .1 ISK. No dice. These guys were ruthless and wanted my blood. I finaly said to hell with this. I loaded my MWD and deactivated my burner, told them I was logging, then ran full speed to the gate. Lost a quarter armor, but I made it. Too bad the other FE guys didnt want to join in our conversation :-( I feel we all could have had many moments.

And now for some very lame excerts from my lame attempts to humor them into submission.

Kumq uat > I am blue
Kumq uat > I swear
Kumq uat > Honest
P1rate Dave > ceom the gate :-)
KrullDari > yup
Kumq uat > Do I get somethin special for comin to the gate?
Digitalfox > to keep your ship :-)
Kumq uat > Liar!
Kumq uat > I would like to keep this ship. it is rather nice
Lord Spidey > Please just let us mine in peace
Kumq uat > I am here to kill veldspar
Kumq uat > In my frigate
Digitalfox > yeah thats what i thought of my last ship too
Digitalfox > its was nice and shiny and it went fast too
Lord Spidey > crotch rocket!
Kumq uat > Yeah, my finances hated me heh
Digitalfox > yeah these sleek ships aint cheep
Kumq uat > I will give you .1 isk to mine in peace
Digitalfox > hmmm that sounds like a good deal whats the catch?
Lord Spidey > We will kill all your rox0rs
Kumq uat > I dont give you a reach around?
Digitalfox > hmm no deal
Kumq uat > /emote pays off fox
Digitalfox > lol nice i'm rich now
Lord Spidey > more money than i have
Kumq uat > Plenty more where that came from
Digitalfox > i'm not giving that back you know
Kumq uat > /emote waggles eyebrows
Lord Spidey > sweet hauler spawn @ 5th belt!
Kumq uat > w00t!
Queww > kill it
Lord Spidey > i just want to mine
Lord Spidey > not kill
Lord Spidey > is that to much to ask?
Kumq uat > We are carebears
Digitalfox > most of the time
Digitalfox > i just wanted to kill, now i have to mine to replace my ship
Lord Spidey > remember what we did to the last people who called us carebears?
P1rate Dave > fe can you please pass on a# message that we should be set to neutral again, we mailed krullz about it but it obviously hasnt gone through
Kumq uat > Let them tickle our tummies?
Kumq uat > Seriously though, you gonna let me back through to Taisy or do I gotta wait for another time
Digitalfox > come find out
Digitalfox > what have you got to lose
Kumq uat > That does me no good
Lord Spidey > holy @#(! this isnt JITA?
Kumq uat > Ummmm, 20 mil worth of ship? heh
Kumq uat > So Im guessing I should log and run it later eh
Digitalfox > probably a good idea
Kumq uat > So mean :-(
Digitalfox > you dont like our conversation?
Kumq uat > Tis bed time for me
Digitalfox > i was enjoying your company, all this camping can get boaring
Kumq uat > I enjoy my company too

Post by **zombywoof** » Thu Nov 20, 2014 5:23 pm

I always thought your contribution to allegiance was hammering down the edges of green doors so the newbies didn't cut themselves while docking.

Malicious Wraith · Post by **Malicious Wraith** » Thu Nov 20, 2014 5:26 pm

Taisy.
That brings back memories.

I used to pirate in Lonetrek, with a few buddies, wayyy back in the day.
Hard to imagine how many years it has been.

Now its just gate camps and POS popping :/

Kumquat · Post by **Kumquat** » Thu Nov 20, 2014 5:27 pm

I actually wrote a three part comedic story based on Eve back in the day if anyone would like to see it.

Post by **zombywoof** » Thu Nov 20, 2014 5:31 pm

I could use something to brighten my day.

Kumquat · Post by **Kumquat** » Thu Nov 20, 2014 5:38 pm

I wrote these at work a long time ago. It was slapdash but the story seemed fun. Not like the actual writing I am doing these days. BTW, Gurristas is spelled like that for a reason. I had created a character named that since I couldn't copy the name exactly due to banning reasons.

dear diary: the misadventures of gurristas arrogator, slightly late part 1: the beginning
Posted by Kumq uat in
Thursday, July 20. 2006

Author
Kumq uatDear Diary,

It has been a week now since I figurativly turned in my mining lasers and took up the gun. Actually, took up the missle is a little more exact. My name is Gurristas Arrogator. What I used to be called I no longer remember. It is a part of the initiation process. I have a vague recollection of who I used to be but it is pretty hard to get a grasp on. It doesn't matter anyways. I am who I am now and there is no real turning back. Soon I will launch my hatred and aggression on the innocent travelers of Lonetrek, Citadel, and Forge. As I head out to these regions in my new T2 Ibis I think about how I joined The Gurristas.

It all started of course in a bar. I had answered one of those ads found on the holo net right next to the ones about the triple breasted Gallente massage therapists who will give you a very happy ending for a thousand ISK extra. It cost me my entire savings to get this information but I also knew if I was going to break the carebear cycle this was the only way for me. After a time of sitting and nursing an overpriced glass of ice posing as a Quafe a man sat himself opposite me.

The stench wafting off the man could have melted the armor plating on an Apoc. When he opened his mouth to speak the gagging smell doubled. It was as if a small animal had made a home at the bottom of a latrine pit and then when it came time to die it had crawled into his mouth for last rights and remained there to rot. I was hanging on the brink of losing what little I had to eat earlier all over the table. For all I know it might have improved the smell.

The man looked me up and down and then smiled showing the rotting remains of what remained in his mouth. Then he silently slid a piece of paper over to me. As his arm glided near me I recoiled as a blast of stench wafted over me. My stomach did a flip and that was the last straw. I bent over and expelled things in my stomach that I didnt even know existed all over the table, his arm, and the piece of paper he still had a finger on. After my retching had finaly run out of steam I looked up sheepishly at the man. He must have been accustomed to this for he still had the same smile on his face. He retracted his arm, stood up, and walked out of the bar as I was forced to dig through my own vomit looking for that piece of so important paper. I finaly found it and franticly cleaned it up hoping whatever was written on it was still legable. My entire life savings rode on this.

After carefully cleaning it up I found the secret. I found the secret to joining the Gurristas. The paper said, "Go to PF-346. Once you enter get 20 km off the gate and leave all systems powered down. After doing this broadcast using your local subspace radio this exact phrasing. " I am (your name) sitting at (gate) in a (ship type). I wish to learn the pirates way." The password when asked is rosebud.

So I traveled out there in my shuttle. I dodged past harrowing camps of pirates and blood thirsty rogues for the chance of a lifetime. With sweaty palms I entered PF-346 and broadcast the message. No answer. I broadcast it again. No answer. I was about to broadcast it a third time when out of nowhere 5 ships came out of warp and locked my ship down. I was a dead man. There was nothing I could do. As they closed in to kill range a single tear slid down my cheek. Then I heard my salvation come over the radio. The dark brooding voice only said one thing. "Password." Scrambling to not screw this up I clicked on the radio and said with as big of balls as I could muster "rosebud." I think it most likely came out as a squeak now that I think back on it but it was the right thing to say. The ships released their lock and uploaded to my nav comp our destination out in the middle of Dead Space. And so died my old self and so was the birth of Gurristas Arrogator.

Next time, Part 2: Minding the mindless

Kumquat · Post by **Kumquat** » Thu Nov 20, 2014 5:40 pm

dear diary: the misadventures of gurristas arrogator part 2
Posted by Kumq uat in
Sunday, October 1. 2006

Author
Kumq uat Minding the Mindless

Itâ€™s amazing how fast euphoria wears off. I thought pirating would be the thrill of a lifetime. Instead all it has turned into is a rash of headaches. I didnâ€™t know how badly a T2 Ibis was outgunned when I first began on this path. Now it has become all too painfully clear. When I attacked my first target at a gate I didnâ€™t understand why Concord didnâ€™t mobilize to stop me. I understood perfectly after my pod was forcefully separated from my shipâ€¦ they saw me as no threat. I hardly rated as a nuisance to them. After being podded for the 48th time and scalded with cries of, â€œOMG, J00 N3WB!!!!11!!!â€

Kumquat · Post by **Kumquat** » Thu Nov 20, 2014 5:42 pm

dear diary, the misadventures of gurristas arrogator part 3
Posted by Kumq uat in
Thursday, January 11. 2007

Author
Kumq uatPart 1: The Beginning

Part 2: Minding the Mindless

Dear Diary: The Misadventures of Gurristas Arrogator

Part 3 Dr. Strangelove: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

I started to realize that if anyone was actually watching me I would look like a demented jackass with all this laughing and chuckling. I had to pick my time with care lest I give away what I had planned. This was a one shot opportunity and I had to make the most of it.

It was O'dark Thirty when I made my move. As I had mentioned earlier I am at the core a sneaky rotten bastard. During my time with the Guristas I had "accidentally " observed and memorized the codes my commanding officer used. It was this code that I punched into the keypad by the door. I was greeted with a green light and sweet success.

The door slid open with a whoosh and I breathed in air that wasn't tainted with my unshowered body. I darted out into the hallway and quickly made my way to the nearest restroom. Locking myself into the middle stall I contemplated my next move. The clock was ticking against me and I had to figure out a plan fast before they discovered I wasn't occupying my cell anymore and locked down the entire base. My best plan of action would be to move to the hanger as quickly as I could and steal a ship to make my get away.

If there was one thing life with the Guristas had taught me it was that he who is the most arrogant wins. It was with this in mind that I stalked down the hallways in plain sight with my nose held high and made my way to the hanger. I came up to the hanger access way which was as always guarded by two soldiers with nothing between the ears but vacuum.

The slouching guards snapped to attention when they saw the imperious walk and holier than thou expression on my face. Smiling inwardly I stepped inside of their personal bubbles to make them uncomfortable and put on my best "So, you're going to $#@! with me are you?" expression.

One of the guards held a nervous shaking hand out before stammering the phrase, "You-Your mission orders please sir?"

I sent a gaze filled with napalm back to him and felt the satisfaction as he flinched. Continuing to burn a hole through his eye sockets I said back in clipped even tones, "My orders are classified and if you do not step aside right now I will use you to test the emergency evacuation abilities of our airlocks on this base."

I should have figured I could play the role of an @#$%@# to the hilt. I was born for this role.

The guard held my gaze for a moment and I thought I might have misjudged the amount of iron in his backbone, but the weight of my gaze made him drop his head and mutter the exact words I wanted to hear. "Yes sir."

As I entered the hanger and the door closed behind me I broke with the facade and hid in the shadows looking across the expanse at the ships all lined up in their berths. Across the hanger stood a Caldari Navy issued Raven that had been hijacked a few weeks ago from a freighter and was undergoing repairs from the damage it took in the battle. I made my way quickly over to it ducking in shadows and moving with as much stealth as I could, which is about the equivalent of a Gallente orgy in full swing. Despite my obvious shortcomings I made it across the bay and sidled up to the Raven to find it was missing its engines.

Disappointed I backed up against the wall and caught a keypad square in my shoulder blade. The impulse to vomit surged forth with the pain but I managed to avoid a messy and attention getting scene in time. I turned around to study the door that had assaulted me which had no markings at all on it. It screamed Top Secret. If I had a door I wanted to be inconspicuous I would label it something like janitors closet or conference room. Leaving it unmarked just screams HEY LOOK AT ME IDIOT!

I thought for a moment and decided I might as well press my luck and see if my idiot superiors codes worked on it. I punched in the numbers and was greeted by the familiar green light followed by the door sliding open. I hurried into the darkened area as the door closed behind me. The quiet was surreal in an atmosphere like a hanger. Normally they are areas of various clangs, clinks, and other noises as craft are serviced at all hours of the day and night. This had none of that and was lit by lights only at a tenth of their power.

My heart stopped as I gazed at the giant behemoth docked in the hanger. Actually, the appropriate title for it would be Titan. An Erebus to be exact. I stood in awe not taking my eyes away from it for a second. So this was what we had been supporting all his time, why we sent out so many mining ops, and why I was relegated to flying a T2 Ibis during my time here. Everything that could be spared had been pumped into building this deadly piece of machinery. There was really no question of what to do on my part. I was going to steal it. With this baby in my possession I could do anything I thought to myself.

I circled around it till I found a door to let myself in and made my way to the cockpit where I could plug in to the ship. I used my superiors code again to get on to the bridge of the ship and walked up to the egg shaped capsule that would make me one with the ship. I felt a shiver run down my back at the thought of all that power at my fingertips. My superior would never know what to do with power like this.

I slid myself into the egg and started the initialization protocols. Systems that had been dormant flickered to life. Lights pulsed all along the hull lighting up the dark hanger with soft blue luminescence . Displays came up and diagnostics ran. I grew in confidence as reports came back that each system was running at peak until I saw one red check mark on my display. Turrets off line . Oh @#(!! How in the hell was I supposed to defend myself without weapons? It was time to shut this thing down and find myself another ship with weapons that would be more than a very slow ungainly battering ram.

It was right about this time that the alarms started blaring. The loudspeakers then came to life and I heard a womens voice yelling to everyone on the base "This is a lock down ! There is a prisoner loose in base! All personal report to your lock down positions. Anyone found moving outside of lock down areas will be executed."

Nothing like a trial by firing squad eh. It looked like I was out of options and I just had to play the hand I was dealt. The no weapons and sitting with a giant target on my back type of hand. Come to think of it that has pretty much been my lot in life from the start.

I cranked the engines to full thrust and pointed the nose straight at the hanger doors. There was no hope of opening them during a lock down so I would just have to see who would win between a Titan and door collision. The Erebus shuddered as it impacted the solid steel before ripping a hole straight through it. My ship rumbled through space as I struggled to put distance between myself and the station.

Hey, maybe I would get lucky and they wouldn't notice the ship that blocks out the sun trying to get away. Yeah, I couldn't fool myself with that either. About three minutes after I cleared the hanger as I was trying to figure out just what in the hell did what on this thing the base started belching out interceptors, frigates, cruisers, and battleships. It was a swarm of pain and it was all headed my way. I desperately tried to find somewhere to jump to. I had to get away and I didnt have much time to do it. A signal! I quickly locked onto the Cynosaural field that the ship had detected and initiated the jump procedure. I didnt know where it was to but it had to be safer than here. The field expanded over my ship and I felt the disorienting sensation of being in two places at the same time before snapping back into reality.

I pulled up my navigation display as the computer pulled in information to determine my location.

Jita.

Oh @#(! times ten.

I was sitting right next to a station in the middle of Jita in a cloud of over fifty ships. There were over 500 pilots in this system alone and every one of them was panicking over the hulking menacing ship that had appeared in their presence . The numbers swelled even more as the ships that had been chasing me in Kisogo flew through the Jita gate. Then the comm unit started blaring out "Attention pirate Titan! This is Concord control of Jita. Heave to or be hulled!"

As the announcement finished over one hundred Concord ships came out of warp and locked my ship down. Then the comm unit came alive with shouts from my former Guristas comrades , Concord officers, and the denizens of Jita either trying to flee or coming in to take a piece of my Titan. It was needless to say very unnerving and if I hadn't been hooked into my egg I surely would have @#(! myself. As it was I panicked looking for something, anything to do. I activated a random control which had the devastating effect of blinking the running lights in various patterns. Knowing my luck it would be calling everyone about to fire on me the son of a female aardvark . And then I became the skewer point for every weapon imaginable.

The Erebus shook under hammer blows as more than two hundred ships opened fire at once. The shields were nuked almost at once and even with the hardeners and repairers activated the armor was being whittled down to nothing. In a delirious state I activated controls at random that did absolutely nothing hoping beyond hope that there was something I missed. As my armor went down below a quarter I activated everything on board the Titan in a last ditch effort to do something, anything to escape without getting shredded into a frozen piece of man meat .

As I closed my eyes and prepared to die I heard a deep humming from within the ship, followed by a countdown and then the computers voice telling me I had activated Aurora and to please stand by. Who the $#@! was Aurora and how was she going to help me? As I pondered this the last of my armor disappeared and the ships structure dropped in an eye blink . As this happened the hum intensified to ear shattering levels and then a scream erupted from the ship drowning out my own scream as I thought for sure the ship was done for. A bright blinding light pulsed from the ship along with a final bowel crushing roar and everything went dark as I lost consciousness .

A light. That was the first thing that pinged into my thoughts as I awoke. Bright. A sun. I gradually and painfully made the journey back to consciousness . My first realization was I had survived. My second was that I was still in the Erebus with my shields slowly recharging over the sliver of hull I had left. I activated the display screens and looked out over a field of carnage. Everything was gone. All the ships that had been attacking me were either vaporized or gutted wrecks. The station I was next to had been slagged and melted within itself.

Scans across the system repeated the story. Everything was gone or slagged from the stations to the ships to the gates.

Jita had been destroyed and it had been my doing.

Overall I was pretty pleased with my self.

Drizzo · Post by **Drizzo** » Thu Nov 20, 2014 5:45 pm

What the $#@! happened in this thread